Renee DeVesty
20
The Sound of Silence
Filed under: Clean Slate Diaries, Healing, Rape, Sexual Abuse, Speak | Tags: Abuse (7), alcohol abuse, child abuse, children (2), community (5), courage (5), crime, depression (2), dignity (4), domestic violence (6), eating disorders, fear (3), Healing (10), loneliness (3), post traumatic stress disorder, Rape (11), Relationships (4), Sexual Abuse (8), Sexual Violence (5), silence, sound, speak (2), strength (7), substance abuse, trauma, Women (9) | November 20th, 2011
“If you don’t understand my silence, you’ll never understand my words … “
I’ve watched two sexual abuse scandals unfold recently – the Penn State University allegations, and just this past week, allegations of sexual abuse by an Assistant Coach of the Syracuse University’s Men’s Basketball team.
Throughout the extensive media coverage, I watched the alleged victims come forward and do something incredibly difficult: Speak.
The significance of victims finding their voice and the courage to look fear squarely in the eye and speak – is completely lost in the shuffle of media coverage and commentary from individuals voicing their opinions.
As a survivor of rape, I continue to speak out on the profound impact sexual abuse has on its’ victims, and keep the focus on how this debilitating trauma can render you completely silent and paralyzed in fear for YEARS.
For those who are not victims of sexual abuse and cannot comprehend why someone would not come forward until years after a crime like this has been committed, the next three paragraphs are written for you.
1) 84% of victims know their assailant. This alone can render you silent for years. Psychologically it doesn’t make sense that someone you know could possibly do something so sinister and criminal. This crime of power takes control of not only your body, but more devastatingly, your mind – and that poison permeates it for years.
2) Victims are silenced by a betrayal of trust. When trust has been betrayed through sexual violation, it can be difficult to feel relaxed, comfortable or at peace in certain situations. In future relationships – personal, professional or otherwise – the tendency is to hold back and be afraid. It’s harder to allow anyone in and, at times, victims can feel that it’s safer to trust no one.
3) Sexual predators and pedophiles can be masters of deception. They can easily portray fine, upstanding individuals in the community. They can be prominent business members with spouses and children who are seen in church every Sunday. No one would suspect they could ever be guilty of such despicable crimes. And this is exactly why they get away with it – their victims remain silent because no one would ever believe them.
These three reasons illustrate why victims remain silent and internalize the shame of an act that may have ended years ago. A silence that then manifests into alcohol and substance abuse, eating disorders, depression and in many instances Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Maybe we can use these two incidents as teachable moments for society to become more educated in understanding the silencing consequences of sexual abuse – so there will be no question who the real victims are.
And if those of us victimized in the past, can use our voice to stop the victimization of those in the present and possibly the future – then our suffering will not have been in vain.
“Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the Sound of Silence … “
8
The Politics of Football
Filed under: Rape, Sexual Abuse | Tags: Abuse (7), child sexual abuse, college football, depression (2), fear (3), football, Gary Schultz, Jerry Sandusky, Joe Paterno, Michael McQuery, molestation, Penn State, Rape (11), Rose Bowl, Second Mile School, Sexual Abuse (8), sexual assault (2), suicide (2), Tim Curley, victim | November 8th, 2011
I just watched a video clip of Joe Paterno, head coach of Penn State University Football, addressing a crowd that had gathered outside his house from recent allegations of sexual abuse by Jerry Sandusky, former Defensive Coordinator at Penn State University.
Paterno started by talking about football, and he ended talking about football – smiling, laughing and rallying the crowd. Lost in his statement was a brief mumbling about the victims: “…its a tough life, when people do certain things…” Without missing a beat, he got right back to the business of rallying the Penn State crowd about football.
Really, Joe? Do you really know what a “tough life” it is to be molested as a young boy by an adult you trusted?
I didn’t see any remorse on his face, there was no horror expressed in knowing that a former coach could actually be capable of such disgusting crimes. There was no apology to the victims for not doing more as a human being to prevent Sandusky from having the ability to allegedly carry out such a nightmare of trauma for so many years.
If any one of these Penn State leaders – Joe Paterno, Tim Curley or Gary Schultz – were man enough to follow through on an eyewitness report in 2002 by graduate student Mike McQuery of a 10-year old being raped in the Penn State Locker Room Shower by Jerry Sandusky - and reported it to the police, Sandusky would have been arrested and the number of victims allegedly abused by Sandusky at The Second Mile School would not have now doubled to 20.
But that’s the politics of football, isn’t it? We couldn’t let an incident like this bring any negative light to Penn State Football? We couldn’t have Joe Paterno’s reputation or career damaged in any way? At all costs, the football program at Penn State was protected. The victims were not.
Together, these three men had the power to stop this abuse. They chose not to. Instead of being real heroes that young boys look up to, trust and yearn to play for, they turned a blind eye to the worst form of betrayal: Sexual Abuse.
Why didn’t these individuals do more for the victims? Because Rape and Sexual Abuse are not recognized as crimes. No one wants to talk about these subjects – they are still considered taboo. We can’t stomach the details or the incidence of this happening, so it’s dismissed as if it doesn’t exist. Secrets are kept locked inside, victims carry shame and blame and perpetrators like Jerry Sandusky continue the controlling abuse – for YEARS.
As a result, victims of Sexual Assault are:
3 times more likely to suffer from Depression
6 times more likely to suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
13 times more likely to abuse Alcohol
26 times more likely to abuse Drugs
4 times more likely to contemplate Suicide
This is why I speak out about the incredibly high incidence of Rape and Sexual Abuse. It’s why so many survivors collectively speak out to raise awareness of the prevalence of these crimes — so together we can try to prevent it from continuing. There are actually over 3 million reports of child abuse made every year in the United States.
This ISN’T about football. It’s not about Penn State going to the Rose Bowl. It’s not about whether Joe Paterno’s record will be forever tarnished. It’s about the victims. It’s about how a dark shadow of fear, betrayal and mistrust will accompany the thought process of each of Sandusky’s alleged victims for the better part of their lives. It’s about the lack of credibility given to victims when they actually find the courage to come forward and speak their truth. And it’s about the extent of sinister pedophiles out there right now terrorizing innocent children who are depending on us to take action.
Please don’t let them down.
In solidarity,
Renee
16
Change & Transformation
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: autumn, birthday, celebrate, change, clean slate diaries (2), dance, emotional, fall, let go, light (5), love (8), new, peace (7), physical, rebirth, release, serenity, soul (4), spiritual, strength (7), support (6), transformation, Women (9) | October 16th, 2011
There is truly something magical about Autumn in New York, isn’t there? It’s peak season here now and the leaves on the trees are just bursting with color … change is in the air – you can just smell it!
Autumn is by far is my most favorite season! Mostly because I am very visual. I love photography and for the last month, my camera has been consistently draped around my neck! I am astonished at how trees I have passed by every morning for the last six months, have slowly transformed into vibrant masterpieces of color that demand your attention. I cannot imagine living in a city where I could not witness such a brilliant, stimulating display!
I celebrated my birthday in New York City and it was a perfect combination of gorgeous blue sky and warm, crisp temperatures! Walking through the Farmer’s Market in Union Square, taking a horse-drawn carriage ride in Central Park and riding the Staten Island Ferry at night – all made this passing of another year incredibly special.
October represents change, a transformation process. We see it in the leaves on the trees. And just as quick as they change, they fall to the ground and the trees are barren. I usually assess on my birthday where I have been in the last year (physically, emotionally and spiritually) and where I think I should be going. Some years, there’s been a lot of questions and unknowns. This year feels more certain, I have a plan and confidently know how to execute it. I always try to step a little more out of my comfort zone and do something different, give a little more to those in need and open my heart to love a little deeper.
I’ve decided this year is the Year of the Dance! I’ve gotten back into belly dancing, which I love, and have met some phenomenal dancers who are very groovy ~ I am an eager student! Emotionally, the breaks in my heart have healed over more in the last year…and that progress “feels” good. And spiritually, I have never felt more in line with fulfilling my purpose in life than ever before through The Clean Slate Diaries.
Here in New York, change is everywhere. My life is being transformed every day and I embrace it. Just like the leaves that have stepped out of the shadows and boldly shown their true colors ~ I comfortably release the grip from the branch, let go and float softly to the next resting place on the journey.
Love & Peace ~
Renee
31
Time Well Spent
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: | August 31st, 2011
There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village. As he sat, he saw a local fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite a few big fish.
The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?” The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.” “Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished. “This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said. The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”
The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and when evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”
The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman. “I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”
The fisherman continues, “And after that?” The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”
The fisherman asks, “And after that?” The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”
The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”
Why is it that we are pushed into believing we need to always be on the fast track, securing more possessions and accumulating more wealth? As if these things somehow measure who we are inside and how we rate in life.
My thought process has always been that it’s actually the simple things in life – the fulfillment of working at something you truly enjoy; having someone you love waiting for you and happy to see you come home at the end of the day; and a collection of trusted friends to laugh, sing and dance with - that brings us the most inner peace, joy and real happiness. You can’t buy that contentment, it’s truly priceless.
The above reading about the Brazilian fisherman is from a blog post written by Paulo Coelho, who is also the author of The Alchemist, one of the best books I’ve ever read. The reading speaks to the heart of leading a simple life – one complete and full of the riches of precious moments…time well spent indeed!
Love & Peace ~ Renee
20
New Beginnings
Filed under: Clean Slate Diaries, Healing, Rape, Sexual Abuse, Speak | Tags: cny (6), community (5), courage (5), culture, dignity (4), domestic violence (6), environment, Healing (10), heart (3), human rights, Incest (5), life (2), love (8), peace (7), Rape (11), Relationships (4), soul (4), stories (3), strength (7), support (6), Survivor (8), Women (9), young women (6) | July 20th, 2011
I’ve been inspired this summer with a fresh, new perspective on life and love and change is in the air! As the song goes, “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
I’ve decided to create an entirely new personal blog website, separate from The Clean Slate Diaries website. The Clean Slate Diaries (events honoring survivors of rape, incest and domestic violence) has taken on a life of its’ own! Its gained great momentum and interest locally and nationally, we’ve assembled a phenomenal Advisory Board team and we will even have an opportunity for survivors to post their stories on the new site. BIG plans are in the works, along with more events that honor survivors! So, keep checking the CSD website to see all the new beginnings that are taking place there!
Which leads me to my own personal website – YAY! 
I love the freedom I have to respectfully write my thoughts and ideas on the issues of the day…which I feel should be separate from Clean Slate. There’s so much out there to challenge us, learn from, debate and converse about – and I want to immerse myself in it! The journey of finding my voice has been a long one, but being in this new “place” feels exciting! There are so many more topics I want to write about that I’m passionate about – sports, culture, love, photography, travel, animals, the environment, human rights and more.
So remember, The Clean Slate Diaries is only a click away! And even though, we’re going our separate ways, we’re delving in a little deeper to seek and honor the Temple Within – new beginnings aren’t so bad after all, are they?!
Love & Peace ~
Renee
