Someone Saved My Life Tonight

My Little Hero

I heard the song “Someone Saved My Life Tonight“ by Elton John this afternoon while heading out to enjoy the sunshine…something we rarely see here in Syracuse! While I walked, I thought about the title of this song, the lyrics and the countless times someone stepped in and saved my life – mostly when I least expected it.

I clearly remember the first time I was aware of this happening in my life.  I was 29 and despite being married and living in my ideal perfect home on a quiet little street, I still struggled with the psychological trauma that remained from being raped at night while I slept 10 years earlier. My husband worked nights and terrified of the fear of it happening again, I slept with a baseball bat, cordless phone and a butcher knife.

“Muggy nights, the curtains drawn in the little room downstairs…“

When I gave birth to my son, his presence profoundly changed my life and saved my soul. It was as if someone shined a light into the darkest crevices of my heart and began healing all the mangled, broken pieces.  I felt like I had a purpose, that someone actually needed and depended on me. I remember thinking, maybe I actually have a reason to live now?  Feelings of despair, isolation and fear slowly began to subside in time, and this little angel gave me a reason to live like I never knew before.

“Saved in time, thank God my music’s still alive….”

With most crimes like rape, you numb yourself from feeling anything at all. And with that removal of emotion, comes the removal of all emotions – good and bad.  I was lost.  I couldn’t see or feel any value for my life.

I can’t say my life became easier after this revelation, but I had a reason now to seek healing, light and love.  Additionally, had my husband not worked nights, I would not have been given the “gift” of allowing this fear to surface and deal with the power it had over my life.

I also saw how much I dismissed the importance of who I was. I lost myself all those years ago in that lakehouse bedroom, and now I had a chance to reclaim Renee – and more importantly, the woman I was meant to be.  Again, the opportunity for a clean slate was presented and I took it!

“Sweet freedom whispered in my ear, you’re a butterfly…”

My son is in college now and while deeply saddened by what happened to me, he is extremely proud of how I use my voice to advocate for survivors and educate others on the prevention and awareness of crimes like rape, incest and domestic violence.

I’m here to tell you, we MUST do everything in our power to reach for the support and healing love we truly deserve. I guarantee you, there are people right now in your life that were put there to help you recognize the depth of your self worth.  Embrace these angels.  Pull from their strength to elevate yourself to a higher level of healing and self love … you are SO worth it.

“And butterflies are free to fly … so fly away, high away ~ bye bye….”

In solidarity, love & peace ~

Renee