The Sound of Silence

“If you don’t understand my silence, you’ll never understand my words … “

I’ve watched two sexual abuse scandals unfold recently – the Penn State University allegations, and just this past week, allegations of sexual abuse by an Assistant Coach of the Syracuse University’s Men’s Basketball team.

Throughout the extensive media coverage, I watched the alleged victims come forward and do something incredibly difficult:   Speak.

The significance of victims finding their voice and the courage to look fear squarely in the eye and speak – is completely lost in the shuffle of media coverage and commentary from individuals voicing their opinions.

As a survivor of rape, I continue to speak out on the profound impact sexual abuse has on its’ victims, and keep the focus on how this debilitating trauma can render you completely silent and paralyzed in fear for YEARS.

For those who are not victims of sexual abuse and cannot comprehend why someone would not come forward until years after a crime like this has been committed,  the next three paragraphs are written for you.

1) 84% of victims know their assailant. This alone can render you silent for years. Psychologically it doesn’t make sense that someone you know could possibly do something so sinister and criminal.  This crime of power takes control of not only your body, but more devastatingly, your mind – and that poison permeates it for years.

2) Victims are silenced by a betrayal of trust.  When trust has been betrayed through sexual violation, it can be difficult to feel relaxed, comfortable or at peace in certain situations.  In future relationships – personal, professional or otherwise – the tendency is to hold back and be afraid. It’s harder to allow anyone in and, at times, victims can feel that it’s safer to trust no one.

3) Sexual predators and pedophiles can be masters of deception.  They can easily portray fine, upstanding individuals in the community.  They can be prominent business members with spouses and children who are seen in church every Sunday.  No one would suspect they could ever be guilty of such despicable crimes.  And this is exactly why they get away with it – their victims remain silent because no one would ever believe them.

These three reasons illustrate why victims remain silent and internalize the shame of an act that may have ended years ago. A silence that then manifests into alcohol and substance abuse, eating disorders, depression and in many instances Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Maybe we can use these two incidents as teachable moments for society to become more educated in understanding the silencing consequences of sexual abuse – so there will be no question who the real victims are.

And if those of us victimized in the past, can use our voice to stop the victimization of those in the present and possibly the future – then our suffering will not have been in vain.

“Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the Sound of Silence … “

~ Simon & Garfunkel