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The 2012 Clean Slate Diaries

Mar19

On April 28th in Syracuse, New York, something sacred will take place.  Held during Sexual Assault Awareness Month, The 2012 Clean Slate Diaries will honor survivors of Sexual Abuse & Domestic Violence through the expression of Art, Music, Dance and Spoken Word Stories. Performed by musicians, dancers and artists from Syracuse, Utica and Ithaca, New York, this evening will celebrate the courageous path survivors have walked and the power of finding wholeness through A Clean Slate.

As someone who has shared her personal story publicly about being raped and experiencing intimate partner violence, I fully embrace the people who are open to this “conversation” – who support and understand the importance of speaking out.  These crimes continue to happen because of the silence and by finding the courage to speak and having community dialogue on these topics, we are definitely saving and changing lives.

The Clean Slate Diaries is produced BY survivors FOR survivors. Most benefits and fundraisers held for awareness and prevention are too expensive for survivors to even attend.  This event is completely FREE OF CHARGE and welcomes male and female survivors of all ages and stages of recovery.

As we put together this year’s collection of artists, musicians and dancers, the performers involved clearly wanted this opportunity to demonstrate their unconditional love and support of survivors – and it is felt in the power of their voice as they sing, the flow and movement of their dance steps and is heard in the lyrics of the songs they perform.

The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) states 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. That translates into a tremendous amount of emotional and psychological pain and suffering.

The Clean Slate Diaries is an opportunity to ease this pain and provide a sense of healing light in the darkness and isolation of these crimes.  No matter where you are in this process as a survivor, someone who has shown support along the way or if you want to witness a phenomenal production of community and nationally recognized artists joining together for a phenomenal cause – please join us for this incredibly special evening! Visit our website at www.cleanslatediaries.com for more information about the event, the performers and our courageous speakers.

You have no idea how much your presence matters …

In solidarity, love & peace ~

Renee

 

The Sound of Silence

Nov20

“If you don’t understand my silence, you’ll never understand my words … “

I’ve watched two sexual abuse scandals unfold recently – the Penn State University allegations, and just this past week, allegations of sexual abuse by an Assistant Coach of the Syracuse University’s Men’s Basketball team.

Throughout the extensive media coverage, I watched the alleged victims come forward and do something incredibly difficult:   Speak.

The significance of victims finding their voice and the courage to look fear squarely in the eye and speak – is completely lost in the shuffle of media coverage and commentary from individuals voicing their opinions.

As a survivor of rape, I continue to speak out on the profound impact sexual abuse has on its’ victims, and keep the focus on how this debilitating trauma can render you completely silent and paralyzed in fear for YEARS.

For those who are not victims of sexual abuse and cannot comprehend why someone would not come forward until years after a crime like this has been committed,  the next three paragraphs are written for you.

1) 84% of victims know their assailant. This alone can render you silent for years. Psychologically it doesn’t make sense that someone you know could possibly do something so sinister and criminal.  This crime of power takes control of not only your body, but more devastatingly, your mind – and that poison permeates it for years.

2) Victims are silenced by a betrayal of trust.  When trust has been betrayed through sexual violation, it can be difficult to feel relaxed, comfortable or at peace in certain situations.  In future relationships – personal, professional or otherwise – the tendency is to hold back and be afraid. It’s harder to allow anyone in and, at times, victims can feel that it’s safer to trust no one.

3) Sexual predators and pedophiles can be masters of deception.  They can easily portray fine, upstanding individuals in the community.  They can be prominent business members with spouses and children who are seen in church every Sunday.  No one would suspect they could ever be guilty of such despicable crimes.  And this is exactly why they get away with it – their victims remain silent because no one would ever believe them.

These three reasons illustrate why victims remain silent and internalize the shame of an act that may have ended years ago. A silence that then manifests into alcohol and substance abuse, eating disorders, depression and in many instances Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Maybe we can use these two incidents as teachable moments for society to become more educated in understanding the silencing consequences of sexual abuse – so there will be no question who the real victims are.

And if those of us victimized in the past, can use our voice to stop the victimization of those in the present and possibly the future – then our suffering will not have been in vain.

“Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the Sound of Silence … “

~ Simon & Garfunkel

New Beginnings

Jul20

I’ve been inspired this summer with a fresh, new perspective on life and love and change is in the air!  As the song goes, “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

I’ve decided to create an entirely new personal blog website, separate from The Clean Slate Diaries website. The Clean Slate Diaries (events honoring survivors of rape, incest and domestic violence) has taken on a life of its’ own! Its gained great momentum and interest locally and nationally, we’ve assembled a phenomenal Advisory Board team and we will even have an opportunity for survivors to post their stories on the new site. BIG plans are in the works, along with more events that honor survivors!  So, keep checking the CSD website to see all the new beginnings that are taking place there!

Which leads me to my own personal website – YAY! :)   I love the freedom I have to respectfully write my thoughts and ideas on the issues of the day…which I feel should be separate from Clean Slate.  There’s so much out there to challenge us, learn from, debate and converse about – and I want to immerse myself in it! The journey of finding my voice has been a long one, but being in this new “place” feels exciting!  There are so many more topics I want to write about that I’m passionate about – sports, culture, love, photography, travel, animals, the environment, human rights and more.

So remember, The Clean Slate Diaries is only a click away!  And even though, we’re going our separate ways, we’re delving in a little deeper to seek and honor the Temple Within – new beginnings aren’t so bad after all, are they?!

Love & Peace ~

Renee

Sneak Peak

Apr17




It’s less than a week until The Clean Slate Diaries and it’s amazing to feel the positive vibe, energy and excitement surrounding this event! Rehearsal was this weekend and we’ve assembled such an amazing collection of diverse artists, dancers and speakers – you’ll be moved spiritually, visually and emotionally!

Based on the outpouring of support from the Central New York community, and from as far away as California and Oregon, it’s evident that this type of honor and recognition for survivors of Rape, Incest & Sexual Assault is long overdue.

Well, the wait is finally over!  Bring your friends, bring your loved ones, or come by yourself – but please come.  You won’t be alone. We are all here.  We are the people you work with, we are your neighbors and we are the people you pass in the grocery store.  There will be healing here.  There will be love and support here. There will be friendship, peace and unity here.

Here’s a quick preview of what you will see and hear at the The Clean Slate Diaries on Saturday, April 23 at May Memorial!  Be sure to RSVP to our Facebook page!  You won’t want to miss this evening of profound inspiration and empowering performances!

Watch on YouTube

In solidarity, love & peace ~

Renee

The Clean Slate Diaries

Feb6

Clean Slate Diaries event for survivors of rape and sexual abuse in syracuse and central new yorkThe sunrise signals a new day – another opportunity to start over with a Clean Slate and begin again. This symbolism plays out each morning in my mind, and for that – I am extremely grateful. For many years, it didn’t. I was so emotionally and psychologically broken from being raped by two men who were my friends and then becoming pregnant from the rape, that I didn’t know how to pull myself back together. So, I didn’t. I was one of the walking wounded, searching outside of myself for years to find comfort and healing for my pain. I was convinced that this degrading experience had turned me into something ugly, worthless and shameful.

For survivors of Rape, Incest and Domestic & Sexual Violence, there are no national runs or marathons taking place in support of recovery. There are no medals given or color-coded products sold to recognize the strength, courage and determination required to overcome the trauma that remains from crimes like these.

For this reason alone, I am producing The Clean Slate Diaries this April (Download Flier). Held during Sexual Assault Awareness Month, this will be a Night of Healing & Recognition for survivors of Rape, Incest and Domestic & Sexual Violence – and those who advocate for, support and love them.  Through the expression of Art, Music, Dance and the Spoken Word and performed by Central New York musicians and artists, this evening will celebrate the courageous path survivors have walked and the power of wiping our personal slates clean.

After years of hard work, I realized that what was inside of me could never be changed. Not what someone did to my body, not how I looked on the outside, not what someone said about me and definitely not how badly someone may have treated me. Regardless of what happens – I remain Renee. I am beautiful. My heart is pure. My light shines from within. My spirit cannot be broken. I may, at times, get off track and question my choices … but I am not defined by my outside experiences.

The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) states 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. That translates into a tremendous amount of emotional and psychological pain and suffering.  It’s the secrecy of and the shame from these crimes that allows them to continue.  The more we “normalize” the discussion process and extend to victims more credibility in the admission process, the less frequently these crimes may happen.

The triumph of the human spirit is undeniable. No matter where you are in this process as a survivor or as someone who has shown support along the way, please come and celebrate your VICTORY with us:  The bravery it takes to keep getting up in the morning, the courage required to look fear squarely in the eye despite shaking uncontrollably and the strength necessary to seek help because you believe there must be something better than living this way.

In Solidarity, Love & Peace ~

Renee

For more information, visit The Clean Slate Diaries page or connect with us on Facebook.

Download Clean Slate Diaries Flier