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The 2012 Clean Slate Diaries

Mar19

On April 28th in Syracuse, New York, something sacred will take place.  Held during Sexual Assault Awareness Month, The 2012 Clean Slate Diaries will honor survivors of Sexual Abuse & Domestic Violence through the expression of Art, Music, Dance and Spoken Word Stories. Performed by musicians, dancers and artists from Syracuse, Utica and Ithaca, New York, this evening will celebrate the courageous path survivors have walked and the power of finding wholeness through A Clean Slate.

As someone who has shared her personal story publicly about being raped and experiencing intimate partner violence, I fully embrace the people who are open to this “conversation” – who support and understand the importance of speaking out.  These crimes continue to happen because of the silence and by finding the courage to speak and having community dialogue on these topics, we are definitely saving and changing lives.

The Clean Slate Diaries is produced BY survivors FOR survivors. Most benefits and fundraisers held for awareness and prevention are too expensive for survivors to even attend.  This event is completely FREE OF CHARGE and welcomes male and female survivors of all ages and stages of recovery.

As we put together this year’s collection of artists, musicians and dancers, the performers involved clearly wanted this opportunity to demonstrate their unconditional love and support of survivors – and it is felt in the power of their voice as they sing, the flow and movement of their dance steps and is heard in the lyrics of the songs they perform.

The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) states 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. That translates into a tremendous amount of emotional and psychological pain and suffering.

The Clean Slate Diaries is an opportunity to ease this pain and provide a sense of healing light in the darkness and isolation of these crimes.  No matter where you are in this process as a survivor, someone who has shown support along the way or if you want to witness a phenomenal production of community and nationally recognized artists joining together for a phenomenal cause – please join us for this incredibly special evening! Visit our website at www.cleanslatediaries.com for more information about the event, the performers and our courageous speakers.

You have no idea how much your presence matters …

In solidarity, love & peace ~

Renee

 

The Sound of Silence

Nov20

“If you don’t understand my silence, you’ll never understand my words … “

I’ve watched two sexual abuse scandals unfold recently – the Penn State University allegations, and just this past week, allegations of sexual abuse by an Assistant Coach of the Syracuse University’s Men’s Basketball team.

Throughout the extensive media coverage, I watched the alleged victims come forward and do something incredibly difficult:   Speak.

The significance of victims finding their voice and the courage to look fear squarely in the eye and speak – is completely lost in the shuffle of media coverage and commentary from individuals voicing their opinions.

As a survivor of rape, I continue to speak out on the profound impact sexual abuse has on its’ victims, and keep the focus on how this debilitating trauma can render you completely silent and paralyzed in fear for YEARS.

For those who are not victims of sexual abuse and cannot comprehend why someone would not come forward until years after a crime like this has been committed,  the next three paragraphs are written for you.

1) 84% of victims know their assailant. This alone can render you silent for years. Psychologically it doesn’t make sense that someone you know could possibly do something so sinister and criminal.  This crime of power takes control of not only your body, but more devastatingly, your mind – and that poison permeates it for years.

2) Victims are silenced by a betrayal of trust.  When trust has been betrayed through sexual violation, it can be difficult to feel relaxed, comfortable or at peace in certain situations.  In future relationships – personal, professional or otherwise – the tendency is to hold back and be afraid. It’s harder to allow anyone in and, at times, victims can feel that it’s safer to trust no one.

3) Sexual predators and pedophiles can be masters of deception.  They can easily portray fine, upstanding individuals in the community.  They can be prominent business members with spouses and children who are seen in church every Sunday.  No one would suspect they could ever be guilty of such despicable crimes.  And this is exactly why they get away with it – their victims remain silent because no one would ever believe them.

These three reasons illustrate why victims remain silent and internalize the shame of an act that may have ended years ago. A silence that then manifests into alcohol and substance abuse, eating disorders, depression and in many instances Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Maybe we can use these two incidents as teachable moments for society to become more educated in understanding the silencing consequences of sexual abuse – so there will be no question who the real victims are.

And if those of us victimized in the past, can use our voice to stop the victimization of those in the present and possibly the future – then our suffering will not have been in vain.

“Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the Sound of Silence … “

~ Simon & Garfunkel

New Beginnings

Jul20

I’ve been inspired this summer with a fresh, new perspective on life and love and change is in the air!  As the song goes, “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

I’ve decided to create an entirely new personal blog website, separate from The Clean Slate Diaries website. The Clean Slate Diaries (events honoring survivors of rape, incest and domestic violence) has taken on a life of its’ own! Its gained great momentum and interest locally and nationally, we’ve assembled a phenomenal Advisory Board team and we will even have an opportunity for survivors to post their stories on the new site. BIG plans are in the works, along with more events that honor survivors!  So, keep checking the CSD website to see all the new beginnings that are taking place there!

Which leads me to my own personal website – YAY! :)   I love the freedom I have to respectfully write my thoughts and ideas on the issues of the day…which I feel should be separate from Clean Slate.  There’s so much out there to challenge us, learn from, debate and converse about – and I want to immerse myself in it! The journey of finding my voice has been a long one, but being in this new “place” feels exciting!  There are so many more topics I want to write about that I’m passionate about – sports, culture, love, photography, travel, animals, the environment, human rights and more.

So remember, The Clean Slate Diaries is only a click away!  And even though, we’re going our separate ways, we’re delving in a little deeper to seek and honor the Temple Within – new beginnings aren’t so bad after all, are they?!

Love & Peace ~

Renee

Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

Oct27

Gratitude

Today, I was one of the survivors who spoke at the Syracuse Area Domestic & Sexual Violence Coalition’s Report to the Community. This coalition was established to bring together concerned community members and representatives from law enforcement agencies and professional groups to improve local services and create system level change on issues of domestic and sexual violence.

It was such a privilege to have been asked by Colleen O’Brien and Jennifer Shaw of Syracuse’s Vera House to speak at this important community event. Only survivors can truly appreciate the depth of emotion it takes to open up and divulge such a personal aspect like Rape to a roomful of strangers. But by giving in to this emotional outreach – you can just feel the compassion, healing and love surface and surround you like a warm, soothing blanket gently draped across your shoulders.

For the other brave and courageous young women who spoke publicly for the very first time about their experiences with rape and domestic violence – my deepest and sincerest gratitude for the courage and bravery it took to stand at the podium and speak. What a privilege it was for me to witness your stories.

And for the people who approached me after the event had ended – a heartfelt and sincere thank you for taking the time to speak with me. One woman even told me she didn’t care if she got a parking ticket from her meter expiring – she was going to wait her turn to have the chance to speak with me.  You have no idea what a gift you were to me today!

Your hugs were amazing and your stories unforgettable.  To have you confide your deepest, possibly darkest, secrets to me and gain your trust – is an honor of epic proportion to me.

The best part of participating in these empowering events is the depth of emotion exchanged.  I was able to lend my voice to those who lost theirs and hopefully, in some way, I illuminated the darkness in another person’s life.

It was not my presentation that I will remember but what I witnessed in the voices of others, the long-lasting embraces and the trust gained from those who shared their stories that will continue to sustain me on this journey.

~ Renee

The Time is Now

Sep26

Step into the Light

For months I have been researching initiating a rally in Syracuse, NY, that would honor the courage and strength of Rape, Incest and Sexual Abuse survivors. It is critical that we find a way to remove the stigma of shame and embarrassment that comes from this type of crime. It was years before I could even admit the ugly truth aloud to just one person. The scars were there, but were only visible to me… silently poisoning my mind, body and soul.

We are taught to hide our truth, to feel shame and minimize the impact a crime of this magnitude actually has on the victim. This subject is considered taboo and not easily brought up in casual conversation. Conversely, in someone with a medical diagnosis such as cancer, its possible you may be able to recognize signs of their disease. Visually, you may see their suffering and have an opportunity to offer your support and compassion. On a larger scale, there are walks, runs and marathons taking place in support of research, awareness and recovery from this disease, and even medals to honor the long road survivors have walked.

There is nothing that truly recognizes, honors and celebrates the survivors of Rape, Incest and Sexual Abuse. There are no community celebrations with balloons and color-coded promotional products for those to wear in pride of their victory. No one wants to talk about Rape or Sexual Abuse, so the cycle continues.

Victims struggle to verbalize what happened to them, the support is not there so they do not press charges, and victims are left to overcome the psychological trauma that remains long after the act itself is over.

The time has come to stand together and celebrate who we are. The time has come for Rape, Incest and Sexual Abuse survivors to be recognized in public with the honor, dignity and support they deserve for their incredible courage; for rising each day and facing their fears, and for walking through life with their invisible scars. The time, my friends, is now.

~Renee