A lot of times we do things – unconsciously or consciously – but may never be fully aware of the impact our actions actually have on others. Here is an example of one of those times that powerfully impacted my life.

At 10:30 PM on April 27th – the night before The Clean Slate Diaries – I received a telephone call. I was busy preparing for the event and missed the call, so before I went to bed, I listened to the message. A very frail voice spoke feebly and hesitantly.  It was a woman who had read a promotional piece on the event called  “Dan’s Story” –  an adult male survivor of child sex abuse by his football coach.  She wondered if the event would be something that women could also attend if they had a similar experience? I could tell in her voice that she needed to be at this event so I called her back – it was 11:30 PM.

She answered the phone and we spoke for about a half hour.  She told me that at 10 years old she was abducted and victimized by an older man she didn’t know.  She managed to escape his grasp and ran into a nearby field and hid for what seemed like hours.  When she could no longer hear his boots circling the brush around her, she walked out into the road and was picked up by a loving couple who could see something very violent had happened. They brought her home and explained to her parents how they found her.  She also told her parents what happened, but they didn’t believe her.  They never called the police. They knew what happened, but did nothing.  So for the next 55 YEARS she kept this secret.  She didn’t tell anyone.  She didn’t tell her husband when she got married.  She didn’t tell her children why she was so protective of them while they were young.  And she didn’t seek counseling or support or healing for this vicious crime against an innocent child.  She didn’t tell anyone … until April 27^th, 2012 at 11:30 PM.

She told me.  And she told me because of the courage of Dan who shared his story in the newspaper.  She told me because Sean Kirst from The Post Standard thought it was important enough to do a feature story on The Clean Slate Diaries event.  She told me because I, too, was silent for over 20 years before I started speaking out about my own rape, about the extremely high incidence and silencing effects of sexual abuse, and because I started The Clean Slate Diaries.

Five minutes into the conversation, I begged her to come to the event. I said I would come pick her up if she needed a ride. I asked her to tell the first person she saw to find me the minute she got there. I prayed that night she would come and that this event and the people there would help her find the healing she so importantly deserved.  She came and I recognized her immediately. She was less than 5 feet tall and seeing her frail frame – I instinctively wrapped my arms around her, wanting to hug her forever. She brought her daughter with her who seemed to be in shock from trying to process this information that had just been revealed to her.  They both went into our Resource/Advocacy Room, and there, were lovingly allowed to begin the release of some of the pain and emotions of the last 55 years.

Everyone who comes to The Clean Slate Diaries receives an index card that they can write something on they want to release or let go of from their past – to help formulate a new perspective for the future.  It’s a way to wipe the slate clean and begin again.  At the closing ceremony, we burn these cards in the fireplace to symbolize this release and beginning anew. This almost 70-year old, frail little woman wrote these words on her card:

“I’m Gonna Make It”

As I observed her process of tossing the card gently into the fireplace, waiting for it to catch fire and then watching deliberately as it burned to ash, the tears streamed down my face.  This woman – by almost all accounts – was going to her grave with this incredibly dark secret.  The courage of those who spoke out transformed her to a place where she actually believed she deserved healing….an opportunity to release the weight of a lifetime of guilt and shame and possibly find a way to let it go. To somehow right this wrong that had been done…..to heal her life and regain a sense of freedom and purity….even at almost 70 years old she fought for a sense of wholeness and restoration in her life!!

THIS is the reason why I created The Clean Slate Diaries. THIS illustrates the importance of our mission to bring healing light to those who wait in the darkness. Some people can’t find the words themselves to seek the healing they deserve and desperately need. But when they see others who are visible examples of overcoming this type of trauma – even if they are complete strangers – they somehow find the power to reach.  And in doing so, the healing begins.

I am so grateful I was chosen to participate in the beginning of the healing transformation process for this gentle soul – a healing that continues through the compassionate work of our local women’s shelter, Vera House.  Her courage and bravery at almost 70-years old will be forever etched into my heart and soul.

Through this process, I meet so many individuals who inspire me beyond words, along with the insight into how far-reaching speaking out about my story truly extends.

And because of her courage, my new inspirational friend and I are having lemonade and cookies at her home this weekend … and I can’t wait to see her!

In solidarity, love & peace ~

Renee

There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village. As he sat, he saw a local fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite a few big fish.

The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?” The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.” “Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished. “This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said. The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”

The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and when evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman. “I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”

The fisherman continues, “And after that?” The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”

The fisherman asks, “And after that?” The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”

The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”

Why is it that we are pushed into believing we need to always be on the fast track, securing more possessions and accumulating more wealth?  As if these things somehow measure who we are inside and how we rate in life.

My thought process has always been that it’s actually the simple things in life – the fulfillment of working at something you truly enjoy; having someone you love waiting for you and happy to see you come home at the end of the day; and a collection of trusted friends to laugh, sing and dance with - that brings us the most inner peace,  joy and real happiness. You can’t buy that contentment, it’s truly priceless.

The above reading about the Brazilian fisherman is from a blog post written by Paulo Coelho, who is also the author of The Alchemist, one of the best books I’ve ever read.  The reading speaks to the heart of leading a simple life – one complete and full of  the riches of precious moments…time well spent indeed!

Love & Peace ~ Renee

Cascade Summit

A few days ago, I was a guest speaker at the Vera House Tea, an annual fundraiser held in Skaneateles, New York at a beautiful lakefront home.  It was a gorgeous, sunny afternoon and the women were so warm and friendly ~ it was such a gift to meet them and feel so welcome!!

As I continue to share my story publicly at fundraisers & special events, on college campuses and through various media outlets, I recognize how important it is to educate others on the high incidence of the crimes of Rape, Incest & Domestic Violence.  Each time I have told my story, at least two people have shared their similar story with me – sometimes saying its the first time they’ve told anyone about it.

When I hear this I wonder how come as a society we stay silent and suffer for so long in isolation?  Why is it so “taboo” to speak of these things? If someone broke into your home, you probably wouldn’t hesitate to call the police and report it.  The officer would probably not question your story or ask you what you were wearing at the time of the crime.  Nor would you be asked if you were drinking when it happened.  You would be given the respect and dignity deserved of someone who had just been victimized and dealing with the aftermath of a serious crime.

So, why are those who are victimized by Rape, Incest and Domestic Violence treated differently? Why don’t we extend to them immediate credibility? Why don’t they receive the utmost respect and dignity when they finally find the courage to speak?

Six months ago a Toronto Police Officer told women at a York University assembly that they could avoid sexual assault by not dressing like “sluts”.  Really?  Based on the numerous other stories told of prosecution not being pursued because of how victims were treated in initial reporting stages, I’m not surprised at the frequency of these crimes going unpunished.

I decided a long time ago to publicly share my personal story as a Rape Survivor.  It’s definitely a road less traveled, but my hope is that in sharing my story and producing The Clean Slate Diaries events that the discussion process surrounding these crimes will become more accepted and common place; victims will receive more credibility and respect in the admission process; and then possibly, this will translate to less abuse, violence and suffering.

And that will have made all the difference …

In solidarity, love & peace ~

Renee